Cheese in My Hair

Today I was reading an article by Jeanne Marie Laskas  titled “Answered! Life’s 25 Toughest Questions”.  This is a well written article and I enjoyed reading her answers, be sure to check it out at:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/answered-lifes-25-toughest-questions-1453059/

With that said, you know I couldn’t resist jotting down my own thoughts on each of these questions.   In fact I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these also.   Well, here we go!  Don’t forget, the answers I am giving a purely my own opinion, and as someone I know once said; “Opinions are like armpits, most people have at least two, and there are times they will stink”.

Life’s 25 Toughest Questions

1.  Can love really last a lifetime? Yes it can.  Now will you always LIKE each other? Probably not.  I believe the key to any loving relationship, is to do your best to keep romance alive.  Someone once said, romance flies straight out the window the first time you walk past the bathroom door, and get a glimpse of your husbands nekkid body, bent over the tub adjusting the water temperature.  Now, there’s a word picture for you.

2. Why do married folks begin to look like one another? I don’t think they do.  If I start to grow hair on my back and get a barrel chest, just shoot me.

3. Can a marriage survive betrayal? Yes, I have seen first hand, in a close family members marriage that it can.  Now, trust? That will take a looooong time to be regained.

4. Why does summer zoom by and winter drag on forever? Because with all the things you can do in the summer, there never seems to be enough time to cram it all in.  When it’s winter time and your cold and wet and confined to indoors, time feels like it’s standing still.  Winter will seem even longer if your surrounded by whiney children.

5. Do animals really have a sixth sense? Yes, they do.  Children under the age of 14 do as well.  I recommend you take a small animal or child on all first dates, that should help you weed out the crazies.

6. Why does the line your in  always move the slowest? I think the speed of the line progression is in direct correlation to my sense of  urgency.  So, the bigger my hurry, the slower the line.   Jeanne and I are of like mind on this one.

7. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life? We already know what we want to be by the time we are 11 or 12.  Very few people, I believe, ever really pursue what they would really like to do.  Otherwise, more of my friends would be ballerinas and race car drivers.  I also believe that is why we ask little children what they want to be when they grow up; We’re looking for ideas.

8. Where do traffic jams come from? Some moron at the front of the line not getting a move on.

9. When is your future behind you? Never, if you are a born again Christian it is greatly anticipated.  If your not saved, sadly your future will always be before you as well, it just ain’t gonna be as pleasant.  For those that do not believe in either a heaven nor hell, I reckon this is a moot point.

10.  Do you have to love your job? No, but it will make the day more pleasant, and go by much faster if you like it at least a little bit.

11. Can a man and a woman ever just be friends? I have friendships with men, but they will never be as close as my friendships with my girl friends.  Your spouse should be your best friend and any friends you have outside of that relationship should never come before it.

12. When do you take away Grandpa’s car keys? When he starts driving like Mr. Magoo, your well past the point of confiscating those keys.  When in doubt, go for a drive with Grandpa, if you say more than 2 Hail Mary’s, and have to peel your fingernails from the dashboard up arriving at your destination, there’s your answer.

13. Do Siblings that fight really end up liking each other? Yes, but only after they have moved away from home and are no longer in competition for mom and dad’s attention.

14. How do you know when to end a friendship? That’s easy, when it becomes one sided.  If your the one that always initiates contact, move on.  There are others out there that are just as interested in doing stuff with you as you are with them.  Jeanne and I are of like minds on this one as well.

15. Why do we turn into our parent’s when we swore we wouldn’t? It’s in our genes, we don’t have a prayer.

16. Can a half-empty person turn into a half-full person? I hope not!  That would mean that a half-full person could revert as well.  I am a half-full kinda gal, and intend to stay that way!  Besides, the half-empty’s are happy in their misery, why rock their boat.

17. When do kids become adults? When they move out of your house and no longer need to “borrow” a few bucks from mom and dad.  They will be convinced they are quite the grown up by the age of 16, I know my daughter was.

18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter? Never!  My daughter has plenty of friends, she is better served in my serving in my role as parent, more specifically as mom. When she moves out and is financially independent from me, then I will be her friend…..I might even hit her up for a loan.

19. Does money really buy happiness? No, but it would be nice if we could all be given the chance to find this out for ourselves.

20. Can spenders and savers stay married? As long as the spender doesn’t spend it all, and the saver doesn’t get stingy.  Opposites tend to attract, so if this is a deal breaker, we are all doomed.

21. Is money the root of all evil? No, but the love of it is!

22. What do you do if you see a parent berating a child? Evaluate the situation before you jump in and be a hero.  You never really know what the situation is, but if things turn from berating to verbal or physical abuse it wouldn’t hurt to do what you can to difuse the situation.  Proceed with caution.

23.  Why is it so hard to say your wrong? Well who want’s to be wrong?  Not I said the duck.  I don’t know about you but I like being right, even if I’m wrong.

24. When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn’t? Uh, never, unless of course there is a danger to someone as Jeanne so wisely pointed out.

25. Does the toast always fall buttered side down? At my house it does, could be a law, I’m not sure.

Earlier this week I got to talk with a wonderful lady from my old church.  I was taking my mother-in-law for a follow up visit to her knee surgery and once she had gone back to see the doctor,  in walked my friend Barbara.  Barbara by far is one of the sweetest and gentlest ladies you could ever hope to meet, I love her and her family!

As we sat there catching up and comparing notes on who was pregnant or sick or whatnot, she asked me, did you hear about Ms Martha?  I chuckled and said; “Yep! Ray’s been by to see her and I got the blow by blow!”  You see, Martha Lou lives in the parsonage by the church, and that is just across the way from the cemetery.  Ms. Martha I believe, is in her eighties now, although she looks much younger and while she doesn’t move as fast or go as far as she used to, it is only because her body is not cooperating with her.

Ms. Martha has taken some spills these last few years that have resulted in serious bruises and  fractures so you can imagine that her family lives nervously knowing that the odds of their getting a phone call that their mom has had a little accident are better than average because she is so determinedly active.  That call came a few weeks back.

Ms. Martha Lou decided to go out to the cemetery that is in front of her house, it sits on a major road and most of it is very visible from the street.  There is a convenience store next to it that is very busy as well.  Usually if you are at the cemetery visiting, you are gonna see someone you know whether they are six feet under or six feet over.  Usually.

On this particular day, Martha Lou was walking across the uneven ground and stumbled and fell.  When she landed she broke the bone of her arm high up near the shoulder.  I cannot remember which arm, but I am sure either/or are equally painful!  It was at this time she regretted not bringing her cell phone with her.

Ms. Martha, lying there in pain starts to holler.  Surely someone will see her she thinks, she can plainly see the highway so surely someone can plainly see her.  She realized right away, that was not necessarily so.  She is in so much pain she is unable to maneuver herself into an upright position, so she looks around spies a confederate flag someone has stuck in the ground at a nearby grave,  grabs that and uses it to help drag herself into a clearer view from the street.  There she is, arm tucked in close to her side, good arm stretched out, stabbing that flag into the ground and pulling herself forward, all the while yelling “help, somebody help me!”

A little “Mexican” man was walking up the highway stopped and looked toward the cemetery, Martha Lou thought, thank God.  Deciding he was hearing things, he then started back up the road.  Martha knew that if he walked away, there was no telling when someone else would come along to find her and made an earnest prayer to God to please not let that man walk off.  She hollered again and the man then spotted her and ran over to assist her.

He immediately pulls out his cell phone, calls 911 and thrusts the phone to Ms. Martha’s ear, he doesn’t speak English!   Martha Lou proceeds to tell the 911 operator that she has fallen in the cemetery and needs them to send her help right away.  That is when the operator asks her this question:  “How will we know where your at in the cemetery?”  Martha replied: “I’m the one on top waving the rebel flag!”  I would have loved to have known the operators response to that!

For the record, it is now official, I wanna be just like Ms. Martha when I grow up!

Roxie, our weird little dog, loves to roll around in the clover in our backyard.  Although she looks so cute when she does this I hate it because I know she is getting covered in fleas.  We have kind of a system.  We give her a bath, pick off all the remaining fleas crushing their wittle bitty bodies and dispose of the carnage.  She in turn spends the next week  romping and rolling in the grass.  All the while we never see any evidence of fleas in the house, just on Roxie.

If  you happen to grab her up and brush her or comb her and are able to pick a flea or two off of her,  she looks at you like you are taking her best friend.  She is a weird little dog.   I told Ray last night, it is as if she can hear their screams when your crushing their little flea bodies.   I’m beginning to think she really can.  She will search your hands and sniff all around her as if to say; “Where did it go?!  What did you do with my friend?”

Lately I have just  started just ripping a sheet off of the lint roller and sticking their wriggling little bodies to that instead of crushing them, that way I think all they do is shake their little flea fists at me and cuss.  When I’m through grooming her all I have to do is fold the sticky paper over and tossing it in the trash outside.  Still, she does a head count when I’m finished and wants to go outside almost immediately to roll around and recruit new residents.

I’m beginning to think she is playing host to a flea circus.  It is the only explanation that makes sense.  We rarely see her scratch or bite and she is very protective if you try to yank them suckers off.  That must be it!  I wonder if there’s a market for that………

Whenever something around the house is left out where it doesn’t belong, or a task goes undone, you can just about guarantee my children are not responsible.  In fact, I am continuously amazed at just how perfect they really are!

Sadly though, we have a completely unreliable security system because day after day someone, that is yet to be apprehended, comes into our home and commits a laundry list of offenses.  In fact, laundry, clean and dirty,  tops the list of of things that continuously gets left lying around.  My children are never responsible for messy pet areas, dirty clothes that don’t make it to the laundry room, or any number of personal belongings that do not get put back where they belong.  I have determined they have a bright future working for BP Oil or perhaps in government.

They waste a lot of time pointing fingers when that time could be better spent doing what they neglected to do in the first place.    I once heard that when you point your finger at something, you usually have three fingers pointing back at yourself.   Maybe I should mention that to the  corporations and big wigs that haven’t quite figured that out yet.  Then again, that might be a lot like talking to my children.

Alex graduates from high school in a couple of weeks and before you know it she will be venturing out on her own.  Whatever will Abby do when Alex moves out? Who will get the blame then………

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Last night we gathered with friends to share good food, laughs and to watch a movie .    We had been waiting a couple of weeks to get together and I was excited that the day had finally arrived.  Does that make me old?  Getting all excited about watching a movie on the DVD at home?  Well, if it does, who cares!

I think there is nothing better than kicking back in comfy clothes watching a dozen kids of all ages hanging out and running around.   While the kiddie chaos ensues,  six adults were in the kitchen to discuss dessert.  Everyone was giving their opinion and tips, while another called their  momma to find out what is the best way to go about making homemade ice cream.  We decided to be diplomatic and use a little of all the tips in the making of the dessert.  It turned out great, and we will probably never be able to duplicate it again.

When our bellies were finally full, and the ice cream had finished churning and put in the freezer so it could get that last little push toward the perfect consistency, we shooed the little kids off to the downstairs so the adults and teenagers could watch the movie selection for the evening; It’s Complicated.

The movie was about a family and issues that had occurred as a result of the parents divorcing 10 years prior.  There were many mishaps and misunderstandings that resulted in a lot of laughs.   The actors were great and we thoroughly enjoyed the  movie.  It got shaky there for a minute but in the end we were left with a happy ending.

One of the scenes in the movie shows two slightly older than middle aged adults smoking a joint while at one of their kids  college graduation party.  While I agree that doing drugs is no laughing matter, the resulting actions had us all falling out of our chairs.

After the movie was over and the lights were turned back up, an adult in the crowd asked which of the parents present had ever Poked Smot before. (In the movie the mom was toasted and in trying to explain why she was so giddy she got her words transposed and that is how it came out, poking smot.)

I swear I heard the sound of  a needle scratching across an LP, then, total silence.   The high schoolers all turned to see if they could gauge whether or not the truth was about to be told.   You could tell this by the way they turned toward their particular parents, along with  the slight narrowing of their eyes to see if they could detect a twitch or restlessness that might indicate a lie.

Half the parents there were able to proudly announce they had never partaken, while the other half had to confess their indiscretion.   Who’s idea was it to ask that question anyway?!  Oh yeah, I remember….remind me to have the others hold them down while I snatch a nose hair outta their nose next time we get together!

As a parent of a teenager, I believe one of our greatest fears is our child finding out about some stupid thing that we did at their age, and them in turn using it against us.   So parents, are any of  you out there ready to hold up your hand and be willing to admit to your past indiscretions?  Let me think……Uhhhh No!  Are you nuts?!

Alex, my oldest,  is already so scattered and forgetful the last thing she needs to do is fry her brain.   Back in 1991, I had a glass of wine with dinner while I was 6 months pregnant with her, so I blame it on fetal alcohol syndrome.  Do I actually believe that?  Of course not, but I’m grasping at straws here……