Archive for April, 2010

Chicken Little and Bed Wetters


2010
04.29

Alex hasn’t been feeling well for the last 6 days,  she claims it has been for much longer, but I know better.   I had her stay home from school the past two days, and today she is feeling much better.  Alex is much like her daddy in that she experiences things to the extreme.  They are my Chicken Little’s.   It’s never a cold, it’s got to be pneumonia.  They never sprain anything, they almost break it. Well, I got news for ya, much like being pregnant, either you are or you aren’t.   You don’t almost break anything, either you do or you don’t.

I noticed Ray’s total oblivion to any ones  suffering, other than his own, the time he came home from work to find me asleep on the loveseat with a fever of 103.  He pokes at me until I wake up and says, “Why are you asleep?  Did you know the kids have trashed the house?  Do you plan to cook?”  I’m not even sure he paused between questions.

I hurt all over from the fever and my throat was so sore I was choking on my own spit.  I looked up at him, decided he was a bad dream and rolled over mumbled something like “Yes I’m sick, leave me alone.”  It was touch and go for a couple of days and Ray was a goober the whole time.  He can’t stand it if I get sick, never has.  I think he is so used to me being capable and taking care of things, that it turns the house upside down if I am under the weather.  I have been since told, jokingly of course, “Don’t get sick.”  Uhhhh, Okkkkkk, I’ll do my best.

A couple of days later,  I was feeling better, but  he came down with whatever I had. (snicker)  That first morning he woke up feeling bad he moaned and groaned.  I asked him what was wrong?  Aren’t you getting up and going to work?  It turned out he was sicker than he had ever been in his life, he was nigh unto death, according to him.  Thankfully he lived.

Alex, as I mentioned, is much like her daddy.  She gets sicker than the rest of us, runs higher fevers than any of us, etc and so forth, (although, she has either A. Not even taken her temp or B. Continues to run around as if nothing is wrong.)

She says she got sick on Saturday and was running a fever of 104.   Miraculously this high fever didn’t seem to slow her down much.   She continued to attend evening softball games, and this illness didn’t seem to deter her from any of  her other running around until Tuesday,  that’s when she text-ed me from school saying she “has strep”.  Really, strep!   Because her throat is sore?

I told her the time she had spent out in the pollen and wind was more than likely the culprit, not strep.  I went on to inform her that she had never had strep before, what exactly was she experiencing that made her feel like she had it now?  She looked at me with a shocked expression.  “I’ve NEVER had strep throat before?!”  Nope, never.  In fact, you have only been on an antibiotic once in your life, you were two and it was for an ear infection.  She felt sure that she had been afflicted with something much more serious than an ear infection when she was two, was I sure that I hadn’t forgotten?

Bless her heart.  Don’t get me wrong, she was very sick these last couple of days, that is why I made sure she stayed home from school.  I vicksed her up and made her gargle with water and peroxide, dosed her up with Motrin after she had run a fever for a couple of hours, made sure she sprayed Saline nasal spray up her snot locker, and kept her pumped full of fluids.   I’m not big on giving my kids fever reducers the minute they get a fever, I think your body needs a chance to get that white cell count up and fight what ails you.  Actually, I am proud to say that Abby has never been on an antibiotic or any other prescription and Alex has only had the meds that one time when she was two.  I’m telling ya, they shouldn’t look down their noses at my Granny Clampett ways.

In between taking care of Alex, I kept busy around the house whittling away at the back log of laundry piled up around here.  I was so excited, I had fresh sheets on the bed and every body’s clothes folded and mostly put away, all that was left was for me to hang up a few more of mine and Ray’s clothes.  I love it when I get all my laundry put away!  Ok, actually I could live out of clothes baskets and never skip a beat, Ray is the one, for some strange reason needs his clothes put away.  So actually, I was doing it out of my desire to please him.

The excitement was short lived though, Ray came dragging in this evening with a sore throat and Abby filled the laundry room up with all the dirty clothes she had been hording  in her room.  I came back into my bedroom to finish putting away the clothes on my bed just in time to find Ray fussing at the dog.  It seems that she was laying on top of his clean clothes and apparently was so upset by Ray getting onto her, she  peed all over Ray’s pile of clothes clear through to the mattress pad!  Yep, not the perfect end to the day by any stretch of the imagination.   Oh, Alex feels much better and Ray’s throat is closing up, he is certain of it…..

Ladies Home Journal


2010
04.28

Today I was going through a stack of magazines, trying to decide what I could part with and what I wanted to keep. ( For those of you that are not aware of this, I have a love affair with paper and I have a difficult time parting with reading material.)  I don’t think I ever actually ended up with a trash pile, but I was struck by the irony of the article titles of the May 2009 Ladies Home Journal:

“Can You Trust Your Bank?” Wellllll, turns out NO you cannot!  Nor your government when they decide to get into the banking bidness.

“How To Help A Friend When Times Are Tough” How do you help out most of your friends when times are tough?  Actually, I have to say that in my circle of friends, there are several of us that are currently unemployed.  Having friends that are going through what you are is nice in a warped kinda way.  We’re all fairly close, and have children around the same age.  I have found that in being able to share  triumphs as well as defeats when it comes to the variety of situations that come up, with others living a lean lifestyle helps you keep your sense of humor.  Thank you God for good friends!

“Workplace Wars: In offices around the country, Millennials, Gen Xers and Baby Boomers are trying to figure out how to get along.” Well, now it’s a free for all!  The competition for any job is fierce these days.  May the best, most highly educated man or woman win, at the lowest possible starting rate of course…..

And my personal favorite: “All In The Family: With Mothers Day on the horizon, the real-life stars of Jon & Kate Plus Eight talk about life in a fishbowl, their pre-sextuplet days, their very public fights and what keeps their marriage together.” I will just let that one speak for itself.

My hope is that the May 2010 issue of the Ladies Home Journal will be highlighting gloom and doom and once again the opposite will have occurred within the year!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up….


2010
04.27

Once again crazy is rearing it’s ugly head in the news!  For your viewing pleasure I have included today’s headlines from around the globe:

Man steals electricity with meat hook

BERLIN (Reuters) – German police are investigating a man for theft after he siphoned electricity off a high-voltage overhead transmission line for one month with the help of an ordinary meat hook, authorities said on Tuesday.   The 36-year old man from Sibbesse in Lower Saxony concocted the plan to steal electricity after the power company cut him off for failure to pay his bills, police said. The man attached a cable to the meat hook and tossed it onto an overhead power line.   He then drew power from the transmission line to his home, located about 150 meters away.  “I’ve never seen anything like this in my 34-year-career,” said Friedrich-Wilhelm Lach, chief executive of regional utility Ueberlandwerke Leinetal GmbH, told Reuters.   “It’s incredibly dangerous and utterly stupid.”  An employee of the utility noticed the meat hook during a routine check. Lach said the man was lucky he is still alive and warned copycats not to try it: “It will kill you,” he said.  (Reporting by Christopher Lawton; editing by Paul Casciato)

You know, when I read stuff like this it makes me think this guy watched one too many cartoon’s starring Wile E. Coyote….do they even show that cartoon in Germany?  I will have to go with Lee Jay’s statement from last week, This guy may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he is the shiniest!  (No offense Lee Jay, but he be shiny from lack of use….)  I bet this guy was so mad when they cut his power off he got plastered.  That is the only reasonable explanation, ideas and the opposite sex always look better when your plastered.

Police say man wrapped in toilet paper robs store

LINCOLN, Neb. – A man who concealed his face by wrapping his head with toilet paper robbed a Lincoln convenience store.  Police said the man was armed with a knife when he robbed the store around 10:30 on Saturday night. He escaped on foot with an undisclosed amount of money from the safe.  Capt. David Beggs said Sunday that no one was injured.

If they ever catch this guy I bet they charge him with littering as well as armed robbery.  You can’t tell me that someone running from the scene of the crime with toilet paper wrapped around their head are not gonna loose a few squares.  In fact, he was probably tearing the stuff off so as not to look suspicious.  Oops, too late!  What officer?  This?  Oh, I uh….cut myself shaving?

Man walks barefoot over burning coals

A man walks barefoot over burning coals. A private school in the western Indian state of Gujarat made pupils walk over burning coals and broken glass in a test designed to boost their confidence.

To think that many of the children in the US get all uptight about CRCT!  I guarantee you that attendance would hit an all time low if they were expected to walk barefoot over coals.  Now, if they were expected to walk barefoot over dirty laundry, mine would get an A+ 

Dead man was elected mayor

Voters in Tracy City, Tennessee elected Carl Geary mayor, even though he died a month ago:  His widow, Susan Geary, said his election “was not a surprise at all to me.”  “The day he passed away, people were calling with condolences and saying, ‘We’re still voting for him,” she said.  Geary, 55, was known for his straight talking and served on the local council.   He polled 285 votes to his rival’s 85.Local business owners said the vote to elect Geary was as a protest against the current mayor, Barbara Brock.  “I knew he was deceased.   I know that sounds stupid, but we wanted someone other than her,” said Chris Rogers, owner of the town’s Lunch Box restaurant.

I would hate to have that as my claim to fame; So Hated, A Dead Man Was Chosen Over Her.  Do you think she was unpopular in school as well?   Red Rover, Red Rover send Dead Man On Over!

Local doctor who was caught taking a cow home

A cow on the outskirts of the capital Islamabad. Authorities in Pakistan have suspended a local doctor who was caught taking a cow home from market in an ambulance, officials said Monday

This just goes to prove that the economy is bad everywhere.  Even medical professionals are having to barter for their services like they did back in the day.  Well, they don’t call  ’em Meat Wagons for nothing!

Spanish police detain man suspected of robbing 10 pharmacies

Spanish police said Thursday they had detained a man they suspect of robbing 10 pharmacies at gunpoint, taking all available boxes of the impotence drug Viagra  as well the cash in the register.

This is a STICK UP!   Or not as the case may be.   Wonder why he went to so many pharmacies?  Was it because there was not enough Viagra or not enough cash?  My money is on the Viagra…..

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights


2010
04.26

The other day while reading an article by Susan Perry, “7 Best Writers’ Resolutions”, I found that even though I actually practice the first six points regularly, I had not really considered the importance of the seventh.

“7.  And finally, because I’m only too aware that people drop dead unexpectedly, I resolve to ask occasionally: Is the way I’m spending today the way I want to have spent one of my precious days?”

It feels like this year more and more people that I am connected to are fighting in some very large battles in their lives.   Is it because I am older and starting to feel the aches and pains and all the scary “what ifs” that come with age?  Or perhaps it is because I have attended so many funerals lately.  I’m not sure, but I am sure of this, point number 7 sure hit home.

What am I doing to ensure that today, this very moment even, will count for something worthwhile?  Another thought, the things that I consider worthwhile and important in life just might be a time waster to someone else.  What matters to each of us can be as unique as our fingerprints.  The fact of the matter is this; from the very moment we took our first breath, we have been terminal.  As corny as it sounds each of us are like individual hourglasses, some of us large ones filled with lots of sand, others so small that it only took seconds for the sand to spill from the top to the bottom signaling the end.  “Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives…..”  has some truth to huh!  Sadly, for many of us, life is a soap opera as well!

I have no idea how large my hourglass is nor how much time I have left, but I do know this; I want each grain of  remaining sand that represents the passing of time in my life to not be wasted.   What does that mean for me personally?  First of all, I still have family and friends out there that I am not sure know the Lord Jesus Christ as their savior, that is a top priority.  God saw fit to put us together here on earth, I believe that it would be a sad state of affairs if that is where it ends.   Secondly,  I have needless clutter in my life that causes frustration.  There is nothing worse than stringing beads on a thread with no knot at the end.  That is what clutter mental or physical can do in your life, take up alot of time while keeping you from really accomplishing anything.  Lastly, I am going to pray more  and try to fix less for the people in my life.

I admit it, I am a fixer.  Hi, my name is Annette and I’m a Fixer.  I have done my best to fix things for a very long time, it just may take a 12 step program to cure me!  Ray often complains that he can’t air any of his  frustrations because before he can get it all out, I have come up with a plan A, B and C to fix it all.  He doesn’t want me to fix it, he just wants to get it off of his chest.

I had one friend recently who said I have a social workers heart, very true.  For me there is nothing worse than seeing something that can be done about a situation, but no one is doing it.   Guess what?  You can’t want more for someones life than they want for themselves, that never works out.   So people of the world, your problems are now your own!  I have now laid down your burden and am moving on.  You never needed me anyway, I believe I just needed you to need me, LOL!  [How tacky, using texting in my blog =) ]

It is now April 26th of 2010!  Where did the time go?  Before I know it, it will be January 1, 2011.    Let’s all be sure to make every minute count, as we will not be able to turn our hourglasses back over and start again.

Home Goings


2010
04.23

Today I attended one of the best home goings ever, that of Harold H.  “Moose” Lambert Jr.   It was a packed house with folks standing along the wall in the back.  I wish someone had  taped it so that all that were there could have a  CD of it.

If you were not there, you missed a moment in time that will never be recaptured.   The love that he had for his family was reflected back on him with all the wonderfully funny and heartwarming stories told today.  It was nice to see that Lambert, although as far from this old world as he could be, was still a very commanding presence in the room.  These parts will be a much quieter place without him, heaven on the other hand ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Trey and Dent, your grandchildren will never know your dad, but I’m certain they will see the very best parts of him reflected in you guys.  They will surely feel his love passed down through you two.   Here is to all those lazy days in the future with kids flying out the door with fishing poles in hand.  Thank you Lord and bless em’!

Fido, May you R.I.P.


2010
04.22

David Boring has a quick wit and tells a tale wonderfully.  Yesterday he sent me the following note:

Hey Annette,

I was just talking to a friend of mine about Animals and Pets and she had me dying laughing.   My friend has had breathing problems lately, but currently, she has a million pets in her house as well as 9 children (well 3 of her kids have moved out but one of the daughters moved back in and brought her boyfriend with her, so she is only actually down 1 kid  :s )

Because of her asthma I keep telling her that I would be glad to carry some of her dogs out to the “country” because it would probably help.  :p    Nooooo she wouldn’t allow it, she is way to attached to her critters!

That is when I explained to her my theory on pets: Basically pets are only put here to teach our kids that things die!

She cringed when I mentioned that if you take a pet to the vet and it’s gonna cost more than $30 to have them checked out or healed, then it’s time to put that varmint to sleep!  I then went on to explain how the smaller a pet is, the cheaper it’s funeral will be….a gold fish?  A simple flush down the toilet.  Parakeet?  You can still flush down the toilet, but ya might have to get the plunger out :p   When it comes to cats and dogs your expenses go up cause you might have to fork out a few dollars on a shovel.

(It was at this point that new evidence came to light on just how attached she really was to her pets, past and present.)

Now that’s when the kicker of the whole conversation came up, she begins telling me that in her basement, she has a deep freezer that they keep their dead pets in until time to buy them!  Currently, “Jackie”, a squirrel, has been an occupant of the freezer going on a year.   Along with a couple of hamsters (one of which got wedged in the ice maker during a birthday party before he was banished to the deep freeze downstairs), birds, frogs, snakes and for the most part just some itty bitty creatures.

It was pointed out that last year “Gracie”, a family dog, had to be evicted after about 2 months in there cause she was just taking up way too much space :p

I told my friend, OMG, y’all are weird in an Addams Family kind of way!  I also told her that I was gonna tell my friend Annette about this because this sounded like some blog worthy material.  So there ya have it!  :p


David, your conversation with the friend about her pets is hysterical!  Thank you so much for sharing it with the rest of us.  I would have loved to have been at the birthday party when the hamster got wedged in the ice maker, I would have probably wet my pants because I was laughing so hard!


Is She Catholic?


2010
04.20

I have found that when you have children you tend to find a phrase that is meant to convey the message “I don’t like what I am hearing/seeing but until I can fully process the situation I shall ask a totally distracting and off topic question”.  It seems that this is something that I learned from my mom, who must have in turn learned it from hers.  Since my grandmother passed away a little over 20 years ago, I may never find out for sure.

You see,  when my kids say or do something that leaves me wondering if my child was  switched at the hospital and replaced with one from say a group of traveling gypsies, I tend to buy time by asking them “Did you finish cleaning your room?!” What, you may ask, has that go to do with the price of tea in China? Absolutely nothing, but it brings their brains to a screeching halt while they try to come up with a plausible explanation for the pigsty that their rooms are, and buys me time to think about what my next move is going to be.

Growing up at the Bagley house was at times quite the event and my mother was the Queen of Crazy Questions.  I am not complaining mind you, if not for my parents and the many things they taught us about life, well, let’s just suffice it to say I wouldn’t be confident enough to lay my soul bare and tell you guys some of the things that go on around here that are stranger than fiction.  My parents are quite the pair and even though they didn’t always see eye to eye and their differences of opinion were discussed rather loudly at times, they never allowed us kids to come between them.  I don’t ever remember attempting to pull the old divide an conquer on them, I guess I knew it would have been doomed from the word Go.

Leslie, is my older brother and the oldest child in the family.  When we were growing up it felt like he went out of his way at times to do things that to this day still don’t make sense.  I am convinced he has the bad luck of SchlepRock from The Flintstones and the many lives of the neighborhood cat.  Although charming and big hearted, he has never seemed to master the basic skill of covering his tracks when he’s involved in mischief and at times barely makes it out unscathed.  I guess if any of us have to be like that, it’s a good thing it is him since he seems to have a knack for it.

When Leslie turned eighteen, he joined the Navy and set off to see the world that lay beyond the confines of Douglasville, Georgia.  He was in the Navy for 6 years and towards the end of his time in the service his work schedule was much like that of a civilian in that he worked a regular shift with predictable hours, this enabled him to moonlight at a second job.  Why would he want to?  Well, when your moonlighting at a strip club I guess the opportunity to see and experience things you don’t see back home can hold a certain appeal.

Leslie had written me telling me that he was working here.  The way this place was laid out if I remember correctly, it had two different sides to it, a gals side an a guys side.  I guess they were covering all their bases and drawing in the whole crowd by offering entertainment for both men and women.  Either way, Leslie, to the best of my recollection was part of the entertainment for the women and not just a bartender as one might guess considering his  catholic upbringing.

With that being said, he in turn made friends with many of his coworkers, as one might expect, one of which was an entertainer for the “other side”.  Apparently this gal had worked venues much fancier than this at one time or another as Leslie happened to have  a  3 x 5 photo of her dressed like a Vegas Showgirl, complete with tasseled pasties and plumed headpiece.

Picture this, my brother is home on leave and the entire family is enjoying a warm summer day outside while my father and I help him get his car cleaned up.  Leslie has just finished washing his car, I’m getting the mats out so that dad can vacume it out for him.  My mom is sitting on the swing in the shade and relaxing.  Just as my dad starts vacuuming out the front passenger side of the car, he bumps the glove box, it pops open an out falls this photo.  My brother is on the drivers side of the car wiping off the dash and sees the picture falling from its hiding place out of the corner of his eye.  He lunges for it, but my dad is too quick for him.  A frantic game of keep away between my dad and brother was played all the way to the swing where my mother sat minding her own business.

I leaned up against the car to see how the whole thing was gonna play out, I was not dissapointed.  My dad, with a big grin on his face said; “Hey Rosella, here’s a picture of Leslie’s girlfriend.”  I’m thinking, well the jig is up now!  He can either say it is his girlfriend or that it is a coworker, neither explanation is gonna help him very much.

My mom looks at the picture, then she looks over at Leslie and says something we can’t hear to my dad.  My dad gets a big smile on his face and yells over his shoulder; “Hey Leslie, your momma wants to know if she’s Catholic.”  I look over at Leslie and say “She don’t like her.”

Yep, you could always tell if mom didn’t like who you brought around.  “Are they Catholic?”  seemed to be the litmus test when someone of questionable character showed up on the scene.  She must’ave really liked Ray, she never once asked that question about him.

Promzilla


2010
04.19

This past weekend was the senior prom for my oldest daughter Alex.  I never thought the day would actually arrive and now that it has come and gone whatever will we all talk about?

Alex has a knack for focusing all of her efforts on the specific task at hand to the total exclusion of just about everything else.  When Christmas had ended last year Alex started her Prom 2010 campaign.   She started her plotting and planning and organizing.  Her specifics changed a dozen times, but the ultimate goal, get to prom and look marvelous was all we lived and breathed for these past three and a half months.  I have to say,  indeed they did look marvelous!

This group of kids were so sweet, and as you can tell they were already having a good time and were looking forward to the night ahead.  I have come to believe that the key to any good time for a teenager has got to be directly related to the amount of drama that goes on prior to the event, or perhaps it is just that way for my child.

I never attended any of my proms so I didn’t have any preconceived notions of what was to take place in the form of preparations for the blessed event.  Last year Alex broke me in good, and just as I was finally healing from last years roller coaster of emotions leading up to prom, she went and shoved me back through the turnstile again!

What made this year an even bigger challenge was the unemployment factor in the household.  Last year Alex was the only one without a job, this year that scenario was extended to me as well, so prom budget consisted of loose change beneath the sofa cushions and the wealth of our imaginations sprinkled with a few babysitting dollars.  All in all, outside of the full time job of keeping Alex on her almost zero budget, she did really well.

She borrowed her dress from a friend and it was a lovely color on her.  Her close friends very special mom did an excellent job on her hair.  I will forever be grateful for her taking her time to do this at no cost.  I owe her big and look forward to the opportunity to one day be able to do something special for her daughter.

Although I thought she was crazy, Alex felt that spending some of her hard earned dollars on the tanning bed was a must.  She did look good but I think she baked her brain in the process since the day before prom she started to fret that she needed to go and have a spray on tan as well to achieve the perfect effect.  Talk a bout a reality check there!

I thought we had escaped the emerging of Promzilla for this prom season but when I told her I was not going to spot her some money till later in the week when she could pay me back so that she could go ahead and achieve the perfect shade of tan you’d a thought I’d taken a sucker from a two year old!  I could hear her stomp her  feet all the way from the high school where she was texting me instead of doing whatever class work she was supposed to be doing.

I ignored her like any sane person would do, and although she was not convinced, she did agree that she was much darker than she thought after comparing her artificially tanned arm to my lily white skin.  That coupled with the time I spent trying to convince her that her hair would indeed melt off the top of her head if we attempted to highlight it yet again, left me wondering if we would all survive this event.  (I can’t imagine what she will be like planning her wedding, I hope it is in the wayyyyy distant future!)

She and her date seemed to have had a good time.   Everyone arrived to prom and back safely and now we get to steel ourselves for her upcoming high school graduation.  Where did the time go?  Wonder what Gradzilla’s gonna be like, ’cause believe me, she will find something to fret about!

Open Says Me


2010
04.16

Do you remember the story of Ali Baba and The Forty Thieves?  He used the words Open Simsim (according to Wikipedia, this is usually written as Sesame in English) to open the cave where the thieves had their gold hidden.

How awesome would it be to have a phrase like that to use around the house!  Open Sesame has a nice ring to it dontcha think?  Michelle says “Open Says Me” would be an even better way to put it, I wholeheartedly agree!  Since it is such a special phrase, perhaps on just anything around the house is too frivolous.  I would be happy just to use it when I need to log onto the various sights online that require  secrete handshakes or holding your mouth just right  in order to enter into their online world.

What brought this on?  Today I was trying to log on to various employment sites to see if there were any new job postings, but I had forgotten what login and password I had setup for myself on the first one I went to.  I believe I had a similar issue earlier this week when I was doing some online banking.  I wonder if I’m pregnant, my memory was the first thing to go whenever I got pregnant…..nah, that’s not it.

What’s really funny is  when I told it that I couldn’t remember my password I had to answer a question before it would send me a link to my email so I could reset my password.  The question was “Who is your best friend?” My best friend?!  Heck, I don’t know, and apparently the first person that came to mind was not my best friend at the time I registered for the sight.

I tried entering Ray as the answer to the question, no go.  Finally, I put my name, if it’s not Ray, perhaps I was feeling a bit narcissistic that day and I considered myself my best friend?  Nope,  I wasn’t even my best friend.   I registered for the sight back in early March, wonder who could have fallen out of my good graces in that short of period of time?  Absolutely no one comes to mind.  Best friend?  Why would I even choose that question for my password hint?  All my friends are the best, how could I pick just one??

I thought I was doing a pretty good job of recording all the pertinent information when it came to logins and passwords, apparently I was not.  Remember back in the day when ATM or Tilly The Teller cards as they were known as back then,  first came out?  Four digits, that’s it.  That’s the only place that you can still use four simple digits.   Everywhere else? Well, that’s a horse of a different color.  From what I can tell, 8 – 12 digits comprised of letters and numbers, and other characters is the preference in order to give you the greatest degree of safety from hackers.

You know what?  I need a hacker, because I’m not having any luck.  No matter how hard I try to keep my information similar in order to make it easier for me to remember, it always requires that I give either one more or one less character than on any other site, or I need to make it all uppercase or a mixture of upper, lowercase and numbers and characters like ! *  or &.

It’s always something to keep you on your toes isn’t it.  Yep, Open Says Me would be great!  Until then I guess I will go make myself a tinfoil hat and see if that helps me any….

Half Nekkid Women and Spam


2010
04.15

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT PORTION OF BLOG: Today I began using a new ad base for my blog.  (All of you well intentioned folk please control yourself from clicking on the ads unless you are truly interested in seeing what the product is about.) I was banned (for life I might add; apparently it’s a lot like bringing a weapon into a school, zero tolerance) from my former ad source.   I learned two things from the fiasco of being banned and that is #1 read, re-read and then re-read again every thing about the rules and regulations for click ad sights and #2 that some people simply clicked on ads and never read the blog.  Big pouty lip about people not reading…..  But it’s all good!  It actually taught me some things about the analytics on my site so, smiles abound.

OK, now that I have made  my announcement, let me tell you about the Half Nekkid Women.

The Wizard of Blog, Mike, who works in the IT department at AWE gets me all set up, and the new ads go on Cheese In My Hair today.  I log in to take a peek and what should I see but an avatar (she was much more than a cartoon) of a woman in a bikini instructing me to click on whatever body part I wanted to make larger.  Waaaaa!  This is a joke right?  OK maybe not.

At first I was shocked (what will the true blue, through and through primitive, hard rock, baptist readers think!)  Then I did what anybody else would do, I clicked.  By the time I was through with the chick she looked like a wasp had stung her on the mouth.   She would have never risked water skiing as that would have blackened both her eyes, and she could have sat a tray of  Hor’ dourves on her backside.  I was disappointed that you couldn’t change her back or switch out her hair or bathing suit.  No fun at all!

The clicking on the other hand, did open a window to the advertisers sight, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what they were selling.  Well, I go back to my main page and lo and behold, another girl!  This time she was in a kinda She Ra Princess of Power getup.  Once again you could augment but not minimize any of the parts commonly noted for their popularity amongst the fans of  plastic surgery.  Her ad message said “Come play my lord”.  If I’m lying I’m dying.  Come play?  Come play what?  Hard to get?  Not in that outfit sister.  She looked real easy if ya know what I mean.

I made a call to Mike and it seems that those ads were a result of randomness and I started seeing more family friendly ads coming across.  I will give it a day or two before I axe it all together.  It’s always something isn’t it?!

Now spam.  No not the block of meat comprised of all the things not deemed worthy enough for hot dogs.  The junk that comes to your inbox, and in my case, to my comment box.  Sidebar; I happen to like the Spam that you eat.  Don’t judge me, if you have read any of my previous posts, this should not surprise you in any way.

OK, spam in the comments of my blog.  I received 113 spam comments to my blog within the last 2 hours.  Nothing but gibberish in the body of the comment, and when you click on the source it takes you to a page that says website not found and in the body of the page two links you can choose from: Women looking for men and Photo’s of cute women.

Well, isn’t that special!  What with She Ra gal and that chick that now thanks to me, has pouty lips and big boobs ,who needs their stinking pictures?  I have to believe no guy is gonna settle for a simple picture of a cute girl when he can change the look of a make believe one?  Let’s face it, the chances of somebody online getting a date with either of them are about the same.  Either way, I haven’t seen those two ads since.

A feature was added to help cut down on the spam.  Mike put a deal where you have to prove you are human when you post a comment.  You’ve seen it before, it puts words out there for you to identify by typing them in a box.  They look like they are reflected in a fun house mirror.  He did this for my blog, but with a twist.  He says the words tend to be hard to read and can be frustrating, so instead he has added a simple math problem that must be solved.

Did I say simple?  Those were his words.  I hate math,  and since they are more complicated that 1+1,  I do not think they fall in the category of simple.  Not only that, I have to now solve a simple math problem every time I log into my blog to tell you guys a story.   If he only knew that now I must count on my fingers every time I log in!  It had better stay with addition or I may never get in the vault to write a post.  On second thought I might ought to find out if it is completely necessary for that to be on the login page.

I think Mike is gonna hate me.  He will be in good company, he can join Ray’s club!  (Don’t worry, Ray doesn’t really hate me….at least he doesn’t act like it.  It’s just my way of saying I make him nuts with my craziness.)


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